Shantipur, a small, single kuchha road village of 1980s was enriched with green and yellowish gardens of mangoes of different varieties all over, on the either side of the dusty road in the month of June. The fragrance of the yellow, juicy ripened mangoes, dangling with twigs to fall straight into the watering-mouth was passing through the nose- mind- heart- pacifying the sense of smell.
A kumhar family in this village was very happy, as they had got the precious gift of God. The whole family; Tinu Ram, head of the family; wife, Smt Mari Devi, five sons and two daughters is in the mood of celebration. The eldest son named Hukam Kumar who was married to Rekha few years ago had no child. An angle like child had taken birth into their home that had returned their lost hopes. This angel was named Kuki.
Kuki was a lovely kid with curly brown hair, brown eyes, red cheeks and soft-silky skin. He was ‘the star of all eyes’. He never touched the ground after his birth as he was always in the garland of arms of his grandfather Tinu Ram, mother Rekha or uncle Ramma. He was very naughty but had keen observation and fast learning power.
At the age of three he was admitted in the private school situated at the outskirts of the village and he quickly crossed two examinations in a single year and now he is in third class.
He always had summer vacations and he did go to his relatives. In these vacations he decided to go to his aunt (father’s sister) Nirmala Devi in the nearby village at a short distance. As holidays started he went there on foot.
Aunt’s face flourished to see him, “Aha! My child has come,” she said hugging him warmly, taking his small rosy face into hands; kissed. He responded by hugging her with his little soft arms, which weren’t able to hug, as she was very fat. She gave him some eatables with a hot cup of tea. He ate them all. Thereafter, Monty, his cousin came, who was just twenty and was a collegiate. All remained busy for the whole day till night.
Now it was evening time and there was dark outside. Monty said to Kuki, “Would you like to play hide and seek?”
“ Wow! It will be fantastic,” he answered excitedly.
“But first turn will be yours,” Monty cleverly forced.
“Ok, no problem, brother,” it doesn’t matter for me, he said.
They started it but in the middle of the game, panting Monty asked him, “Today, I will tell you a new, more pleasurable game and I am sure that you will enjoy to play it.”
“Will you like to play it now, my lovely child?” softly kissing his cheeks and rounding his hand from his head to slippery pink cheeks, he asked. Then he sat beside him and started telling him, “There are two players in it, first touches lips with other’s.”
“Then, Monty!” he asked curiously. They touched their lips.
“Now try to suck slowly as you had sucked the breasts of your mother while you was a small kid,” he answered keeping the relations a side.
“Will they milk like mother’s, Monty?” unknowingly, he asked.
“There will be a fast flowing stream, fool; just try” irritatingly he answered.
“Ok, why are you getting so furious?” he enquired.
They started; kuki cried, “Ah! Monty, leave me, you are sucking very hard, ah; my lip is bleeding.”
Raging over his action, angry kuki refused, saying, “Go to hell, I don’t play rough blood-sucking games,” and went away with the neighbourhood boys. Retuned at night, took his dinner and went to sleep with his aunt.
Next day some more guests came at their home, Monty came home at night and all ate together. A small home having a large room with a single window adjoining a few yard verandah and a small courtyard was not enough to cover all. And moreover, a couch was short, so kuki had to sleep with Monty although he was annoyed with him over last day’s incident. They lay down on the couch doing their backs towards each other. Tired Kuki; playing all day with his friends fall asleep as he laid on the bed but Monty was restless. He could feel his pulsating heart, breathing, own tensed mind, and hands robbing here and there on chest- valley- thighs- genitals and on the face of Kuki. He kept his hand tenderly on his valley, slipped it inside his under garments, pulled his underwear down to his knees and started playing with his genitals. Kuki had awakened due to uncommon movements but was not daring to face or stop him, he was afraid of him and his family members. He thought that they would not believe him and would beat him for disgracing their son. Tears started rolling down from his cheeks on the dead bed sheet, wetting it. Now he could feel some hot ugly organ touching his back gently times and again, making him terrified; his whole body shivered like goat being buttered but it stopped after few touches and he felt relaxed. Hardly had he slept when he felt some hard thing against his back hole, covering it fully and trying to fill the vacuum.
Heart started bursting out now and he could not help crying, “ Ah! Please leave me.”
“ What happened, my child, are you alright?” aunt’s shrilling voice broke the silence of the night.
“Nothing Mummy, he must have seen a nightmare,” covering his mouth, gripping his waist, clutching his legs with hands and legs, Monty answered recovering himself,
And the flesh covered the emptiness. Kuki felt as his body had been torn into two pieces with a large saw and naked body being licked by a tongue. He was totally shattered. He was not able to understand what to do, why Monty had penetrated him. There were a lot of questions in his mind for which he had no answer. It was a dark night and darkness was growing and he was losing himself in it. He remained blank for many hours and couldn’t sleep for the rest of the night.
When he awoke the next morning he felt his back aching but he didn’t expose the last bloody night to anyone in the home. Monty had left the bed soon in the morning and had gone out in the fields. He then said to his aunt that he wanted to return home. His aunt unwillingly sent him back. He reached his home and was welcomed warmly by all the family members.
Rekha taking him in her tender protective arms asked, “Did you enjoyed there, my child?”
Listening the question, dam of patience broke and he started weeping bitterly keeping his head on her shoulder, “yes, Mummy but I can not stay without you.”
“O my child, you love me so much!” she tried to confirm.
“Only you are my protector; only you can guard me from the dangers of the world. I want to be into your lap forever so that no hurting hand could ever reach me, my mother, and I know, you will cut every hand down that will raise to hurt me,” he said, wiping his tears.
“Why are you talking like that, my son?” she verified.
“Nothing, mummy just trying to show my love,” he said, hiding the fact.
He didn’t explain the exploitation incident to anybody; even he wanted to forget it himself. He was afraid of his parents and moreover, what he will tell them what had happened. He kept quite.
The time passed on and with the passage of time he was grown up as a young college going lad; doing graduation. He had forgotten that unlucky incident. He never tried to meet Monty and did not go his village during this period.
Now Kuki was a collegiate. The college was situated in the nearby town where there family had shifted during the period of his growth.
During college holidays he went to his village and stayed in his uncle’s home. The sun had set, they had taken the dinner, and uncle and aunt went to sleep. He laid between two small children in a separate room. On the one hand was boy just eight and on other hand girl six. Kuki fell asleep soon; all were sleeping too but he awoke due to girl’s frequent movements as she had clung to him like a bat. The sighs of the girl were falling on his face and he could not help kissing her small lips, neck and slept taking her into his arms tenderly. He stayed there for many days. He always found chance to molest the girl. Mostly he used to do it at night. But one day when nobody was at home, he took off her clothes and him and molested her. It continued periodically for more than two years until her parents noticed it by the sperm wetted panties of the girl. Then he got chance to sleep with another uncle’s boy. He did the same with him too; played with his genitals also but didn’t penetrate the child perhaps even today he could feel his own bum aching. He was an abuser now.
He himself had forgotten how many ‘Little Gods’ are going to become abusers in near future due to him. “Ajay, Seema, Hemant and now I have forgotten even the names of victims,” he thought.
A sense of guilt had entered in his mind so he didn’t like it at all now. He wanted to stop himself from sexually exploiting the young children but some how he did go out of control when the flesh of the kids touched his. The sense of guilt had started cursing him. When he wasn’t successful to control himself then he decided not to go to any relative and friend just to avoid children. The situation became so worse that he left talking to young children. But still whenever he did get chance he couldn’t control himself.
He tried to introspect that why it was happening to him only; there are many boys of his age who are not facing such problems. He knew it very well that sexual exploitation of the children is wrong and if it is done, it will take the future of an abused child into such dark circles where there will be no way out. It is a disease, which spreads like virus of Cholera, but cholera can be noticed and immediate symptoms can be seen but abused child cannot be felt nor seen. It affects the psyche of the abused, not for a while rather for whole life. It makes a vicious circle, which never stops like the vicious circle of poverty and goes on and on. Then he loses in his childhood and finds that he was also abused when he was seven, a school going boy. Each movement, struggle, penetration and pain passed through his body like a current and his eyes got wet like anything and once again he felt the pain of penetration when he was hot bloodedly raped by his cousin, “Ah, leave me, please leave me, O dog.” On revelation of this fact he became somewhat hapless to think that how he could be able to cure his wound. But wiped his tears and determined that he would come out of this, the main thing was he had found the root cause of his this state of mind and actions. Everything went on normally.
He was married to a well-educated girl named Poonam at the age of twenty-five. She gave birth to a girl who was named Suknaya. As she was sharp minded, logical and had excellent grasping power, she was admitted in the school at the age of two and now she is five and in second-class.
One day her cousin Ajay twenty six came to their home, she was happy with him as he had brought chocolates for her which she liked the most. She insisted that she would sleep with his cousin. Her mother agreed but father shouted at her, “No you should not, I would never let you sleep there with him.” Poonam made him understand that if girl wants to be with him then what was his problem; after all he is her brother (cousin). Ajay and Suknaya went to sleep, he talked to her for long hours as she was enjoying talking to him and slept during chatting; he was not aware. He also slept but at midnight he woke up and took her clothes off. Thereafter, he covered her mouth, clutched her struggling legs, and ride on her. There was no sound except Ajay’s panting and movements. He stopped and laid a side but still there was no sound at all, any scream, shriek and struggle. He did heinous act again after the gap of few minutes; he had not noticed the stillness of the baby; got free; turn his side; suddenly he got nervous, patted the baby on her arms, head and cheeks but still no response. He tried to listen her still heartbeat. Terrified, he boarded down the bed, picked up his shoes, opened the door and ran away.
Next morning all the family members got up astonishingly with a jerk, as the thundering clouds had cracked one of the walls of the home, blowing storm had pulled up the newly flourished tree from its trunk and was raining heavily. Poonam ran towards the sleeping baby to awake her but stood rooted there looking her disfigured naked body.
Kuki came after waiting for her for long; saw her daughter’s brutally penetrated body and become soundless as somebody had pulled his tongue out but laughed after few minutes and said, “Ha, ha, I am the rapist, I have raped my daughter, I will rape more,” tears burst out and collapsed on the ground; the relatives picked him up. After two hours he got consciousness and called, “Suknaya, my daughter, why didn’t you answer, are you dumb or my sound is not reaching your ear. My child, why didn’t you answer, my lovely baby.”
His wife keeping hand on his shoulder, helping him to recover from the trauma said, “ Suknaya will never talk to us now, my crown, you stopped me but I’m fool, could not understand.”
“No, how will she talk to me? I have hurt her, I have torn her into pieces just to pacify my lust,” beating his chest he spoke.
Every body standing there was wondering on listening father’s confession. Kuki again fell on the floor. Condition had worsened in just few hours; he wasn’t able to stand; the people took, holding him from his shoulders and brought back home in the same position after the girl was buried in the backyard of the home.
Kuki was always murmuring, “I am the killer of my daughter. O my God! I crushed the beautiful flourishing rose. O! My God what I do now. O my God! I haven’t right to live here, call me to you, but why will you call me there, I am the sinner and the sinner like me should be buried under those black depths of hell where no black soul like me could ever come back into this beautiful world.” His survival instinct had vanished with the death of his baby.
He was taken to the nearby hospital; the doctor checked him but refused to hospitalize, as there was no hope. Poonam asked, “What’s the matter doctor?” Doctor said to Poonam, “How that person can be saved who do not want to be alive; his charm for life has ended?”
He was brought back home; Poonam was trying to make him understand that he was not the rapist of his daughter and thus had not killed her but after few minutes his eyes had stopped rotating, the heartbeat fallen, the nerve sunk, and within moments Kuki’s soul had flown forever, there was just a body.
Ignorant from the fact, she was still saying him turning her fingers in his hair, “You are the best father in the world, my love; you love your child so passionately.”
